So This Is It?
by Green Rainboots
Summary: Joe isn't exactly the most popular member of Glee club. But that's okay, right? The others still like him fine. He has friends. Until he doesn't.


_This is a fill for the Glee angst meme. Also I've been wanting Joe to DO SOMETHING for the entire season. So. Here._

* * *

It starts slow, which is probably why Joe doesn't notice until it's too late.

It starts with the 2012 seniors graduating. Joe had been closest with the God Squad members, and half of it graduated. Of the other Glee club members, he'd been closest to Finn, Rory, Puck, and sort of Mike. Finn, Puck, and Mike all graduated as well, and Rory went back to Ireland.

Joe hadn't really considered that it would be a problem. He'd liked the remaining members of the Glee club just fine, and they'd all seemed nice enough. Plenty of potential friends, and besides, Sam was still there.

And then suddenly no one was there.

* * *

Sam has a crush on Brittany. It's silly and Joe mocks and teases him about it, especially because it's pointless, what with her dating Santana, even it is long distance. Sam doesn't mind. He usually just rolls his eyes, because he knows it's a pointless crush as well. He's not going to go after Brittany and convince her to dump Santana for him. Quinn cheated on him two years prior because Finn had gone after her and she was unsure of what to do, so Sam's not doing that.

But he will do almost anything Brittany asks him to.

She asks him to be Blaine's student body vice president. He agrees to do it.

Joe doesn't notice until later, because during the campaign he totally understands why Sam and Blaine spend so much time together. But then that turns into the two of them being best friends, and then there goes Joe's last friend from the God Squad.

It's okay. He's okay. The others are still nice enough. He can make new friends.

* * *

He can't make new friends. The others have no interest in befriending him, apparently.

The new kids think he looks weird, so they hardly give him a chance. Besides, most of them are too busy squabbling among themselves to really take notice of Joe. Unique and Marley quickly bond. Kitty hates everyone. Jake only likes Marley at first, and by the time he makes friends with Ryder and starts giving others a chance, he's already written Joe off as a weirdo for his dreads.

So Joe suddenly ends up alone.

* * *

It's one thing to suddenly end up alone. It's quite another to suddenly end up harassed.

Okay, maybe harassed is too strong a word.

They don't really notice him most of the time. They don't sit on him, like he was invisible, or pointedly ignore him, but they rarely include him. Mr. Schue has always had a little trouble looking past the divas and general attention-seekers, so he doesn't make anything better. It helps a little when Finn becomes the new director, because Finn doesn't overlook people in the same way, or really at all. He gives Joe a few solo bars during the group numbers, and the others listen to him for those few bars.

When Joe talks, someone usually tells him to shut up. Often it's Kitty, and then it's often accompanied by either a name of some sort or a glare. It hurts. It ends up not really being worth it, because no one's paying attention anyway.

Joe stops talking unless talked to. It's less painful.

* * *

Joining the religious paintball club is amazing. He can get his frustrations out in a safe way, and have fun at the same time. The guys in the club are great. Everyone is really nice. It helps a lot.

But funding is low, members are few, and paintball fields aren't cheap to rent, so they can't meet up very often. Joe tells himself it's fine, but whenever he feels downright ignored in Glee club, he wishes he could call the others and go shoot his frustrations away. The more it happens, the more Joe considers if being in Glee club is really worth it anymore.

No one asks him to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Not that he had expected anyone to. It was a given that Brittany would ask Sam, because as her boyfriend, he'd be not only the obvious choice, but the best one. Of course Marley would ask Jake, given their little dance around each other, and of course Kitty would try to get between them. Tina asking Blaine isn't that much of a surprise. They're close friends. It's just a surprise that she has a crush on him and hopes to make a romantic night of it, despite the fact that he's gay and in love with his ex. Sugar not asking anyone is a surprise, but Joe had never expected her to ask him, anyway. Wade is sort of caught in the middle between being Wade and being Unique, and while he definitely seems to prefer being Unique, he doesn't dare ask anyone to Sadie Hawkins, even as Unique.

So no, Joe wasn't expecting to have a date.

It still stings a little, though. On top of everything else, it stings.

And then someone asks him to dance.

_Lauren Zizes_ asks him to dance. They've only talked maybe two or three times, and he hardly though he'd be her type in any way, shape, or form. But she asks him to dance, seeming kind of nervous about it, and she looks genuinely happy when he says yes.

He's definitely happy to have someone to dance with.

He's not really Lauren's type, and Lauren isn't really his type, but it doesn't matter at all. While they dance, Joe finds that he enjoys Lauren's company. She's funny and just the right amount of sassy to not be annoying, she's not afraid to give her opinion, and as the icing on the cake, she seems to reciprocate. She listens to him. She pays attention to him, comments on what he says, and they hold an actual, two-sided conversation. And it's nice. It's really nice, and Joe enjoys it.

* * *

Lauren becomes a part of Joe's everyday routine at school. They meet up at each others' lockers, walk with each other in the hallways between classes, and she willingly listens to what Joe has to say. Slowly, he begins to open up to her about how he's treated in Glee club, and she not only pays attention to that, she gives him advice on it.

"You can't let them treat you like this," she says sternly.

"Well, I don't really know what to do about it," Joe shrugs. "They're not really doing anything, that's the problem."

"Rachel, Mercedes and Santana left behind a legacy in that Glee club," Lauren begins. "And that legacy is that you have to fight tooth and nail to get any attention. That's why Tina's being such a bitch this year, she thinks it's the only way she'll get noticed, especially with that new wonder child of sweetness, Marley, getting so much attention already. And no one questions Tina, because the old members are used to that kind of behavior, and the new members aren't brave enough to step up and question the dynamics."

"So?" Joe stops walking. They've arrived at his Chemistry class.

"If you wanna get noticed and stop feeling miserable, you need to shake things up and destroy Berry, Jones and Lopez' insane legacy," Lauren explains. "You need to call them out on their crap."

"I've never been good at confrontation," Joe says.

"Well, you better learn how to do it, or learn how to suck it up, because you have to do one or the other."

* * *

He tries learning how to suck it up. He's seriously horrible at confrontations, and he'll avoid it if he can, even if it means being unhappy for a little while longer.

They don't really make it easy, though.

Sam slacks him off at least twice a day after he gets his atrociously low SAT scores and goes crazy about body images. Everyone else gets told that they're not as hot as him, but Sam makes Joe feel downright _ugly_. The comment about shaving everywhere could've just been that, something for all of them, but no, there had to be a little dig at Joe. He's not even the one with the most body hair. He barely has any. He just has a lot of head hair.

He hates confrontation, but he the desire to scream at everyone just grows day by day.

It gets worse when Tina asks him what he's doing with Lauren.

"We're friends," Joe says. "I like her?"

"You like _Lauren Zizes_?" Tina sounds incredulous. "You could do so much better than a girl like her."

"Oh, I could, huh?" Joe snaps. Tina looks taken aback. "I doubt that."

And then he walks away, so she won't see him crying.

* * *

The reason why Joe started at McKinley was so he could get a best friend his own age, instead of his mom being his best friend.

He's almost back to having his mom as his best friend again.

She can tell something's wrong just by looking at him. It's nice to know that at least some people can see that he's not okay. It's nice that she actually asks him what's wrong, instead of just assuming that he's fine, like everyone else, except Lauren, seem to do. It's really, really nice, and it makes Joe feel a little happier.

Except it also underlines how much the others in Glee club don't notice, or really seem to care.

His mom asks him what's wrong when he comes home and won't talk about his day. He starts crying, and she wraps him up in a comforting hug, and it's been a while since Joe felt this loved, so he tells her everything. He can trust her, rely on her, come to her with anything, and that knowledge makes him spill his guts to her a lot quicker and easier than it had been with Lauren. And the more he talks, the tighter his mom hugs him.

"Oh, sweetie," she mumbles when he's done, and she kisses the top of his head.

"I didn't think making friends was supposed to feel like this," he chokes out.

"It's not," his mom says. "It's supposed to make you feel good."

"I don't know what to do now," Joe says.

"Do you want to go back to being homeschooled?" his mom asks carefully. Joe bites his lip and shrugs, because he honestly doesn't know. He doesn't know what he wants to do, except make it stop hurting.

* * *

"Stay at McKinely, but quit Glee," is Lauren's advice. "If you go back to being homeschooled, you surrender completely. If you just quit Glee, you can walk around the halls and watch them sulk at being a member short, because they were assholes to one of their own."

Joe isn't exactly a spiteful and vindictive person, so being able to watch the others sulk doesn't really mean very much to him in terms of making a decision.

Getting to see Lauren every day does mean something, though.

It's not an easy decision to make, so Joe spends days agonizing over it. He even writes a pro/con list to help sort out his thoughts and feelings. The only thing that becomes certain is that he can't take much more of this, so he has to do something.

In the end, the ayes have it, the cons are piling up, and Joe knows what to do.

* * *

The look on Finn's face makes him reconsider for a moment.

Finn pleads and argues and begs for Joe to change his mind, but he won't, and after just a few minutes, it's clear that Finn knows he won't either, even if he continues to beg.

Quitting Glee is Joe's final decision. Finn can't change that.

Finn apologizes for the way the others have treated Joe, and he promises to confront them with it. He asks if Joe would consider coming back to Glee club if he got the others to apologize as well, and got them to promise to treat him better, notice him more. Joe considers it for a moment, but he hardly needs to. He loves music. If he could go back to having fun and feeling accepted in Glee club, then yeah, he'd come back. He tells Finn this. Finn looks relieved.

Lauren's waiting outside Finn's office for Joe. When Joe leaves, looking down at the floor, she loops her arm through his. She doesn't say anything. She knows she doesn't have to.

When they leave the choir room, Joe looks around it one last time.

He does have some pleasant memories in this room.

* * *

It's weird to not have anything to do after school.

Lauren takes him out for milkshakes to take his mind of the fact that he's not at Glee practice, where Finn is no doubt telling them about Joe leaving and the reasons behind his decision.

He wonders if any of them will really care.

The text he gets from Sam a little later tells him that at least Sam cared enough to be shocked at his decision to leave.

Sugar texts him. Blaine texts him (that's a long one). Jake and Ryder both text him, even though Joe never gave either of them his number. Tina texts him. Joe ignores them all. He can't deal with it yet. He'll deal with it later. Or tomorrow. Whenever he feels ready to see whatever they came up with. Apologies, accusations of abandonment, whatever. Joe can't make himself forgive them yet, and he's not about to let them accuse him of anything.

So he ignores them.

Lauren hugs him and stays close by his side the entire afternoon. Even if they're not dating, and have no desire to start dating, it's nice and comforting, and it helps ease the squeezing in Joe's chest.

* * *

Finn calls Lauren when Joe drives her home.

From what Joe can tell, he's asking her about what the Glee club could do to regain Joe's trust, to make him come back. Lauren tells him her theory about Rachel and Santana leaving behind a legacy of fighting for attention. Joe assumes that Finn gets it and agrees with it, because Lauren looks pleased with herself when she hangs up.

"Don't worry, kiddo," Lauren says and pats Joe's shoulder. "We'll have you happy again in no time."

Neither of them know whether or not it'll be that simple. They both hope it will, but the chances of it are slim.

"Would you ever go back to Glee club?" Joe asks. Lauren just shrugs.

* * *

Sam and Blaine corner Joe at his locker the next morning before the first class of the day. They have a lot of questions and apologies, but Joe doesn't know what to say to them. Luckily, he's saved by the bell, and excuses himself by saying he has to get to class.

During class, he sends a text to Lauren asking her t help him keep the others away for the day. She easily agrees.

Joe doesn't have it in him to face them just yet.

When his class lets out, Lauren is there immediately, putting her arm through his, and the first time someone from Glee club comes up to Joe again, she snaps something extremely rude at them, and they leave him alone for the rest of the day. It's actually kind of nice, not having to put up with the crap he's been given by his so-called friends. He doesn't feel quite as tense at all times, and it's nice. Calming, relaxing.

* * *

Lauren can't save him the next day.

Finn has told the Glee club her theory about the legacy left behind by some of the seniors from last year. And now everyone is all over both of them. Asking Lauren how she came up with her theory. Promising Joe that they'll try to change it. Most of them apologize profusely and repeatedly to Joe for their behavior towards him. Begging him (both of them) to come back to Glee club.

He doesn't know what to answer (she declines).

He tells them that he'll get back to them with an answer in a few days.

* * *

Joe is not spiteful and vindictive, but Lauren certainly can be. She can also be very protective of those she cares about.

She thinks Joe should make the Glee club pay more. She thinks Joe should make them really sweat and beg on their knees before he rejoins.

There's no doubt in her mind that he'll rejoin.

After a few days, there's not really a doubt in Joe's mind either.

* * *

He walks into the choir room ten minutes into Glee rehearsal. He knows that he's late. He spent ten minutes debating with himself whether or not he was really ready to do this. In the end, Lauren had found him and pushed him through the door, promising to be right behind him to back him up.

The whole room falls silent. Everyone stares at them. Finn smiles a little, kind of hopeful, but he doesn't say anything.

"Well, at least you're noticing him now," Lauren says dryly. Joe nudges her with his elbow.

"Hey dude," Sam says slowly, almost carefully. "We missed you."

"I find that hard to believe," Joe says, and the hostility in his voice surprises him. He's not usually hostile.

"Dude, seriously, we all hated that you quit," Sam insists.

"None of you ever spent any time with me," Joe says.

"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy here?" Sam asks, and he sounds hurt that Joe kept this from him. Joe doesn't really think he has a right to sound hurt.

"Because every time I opened my mouth, someone told me to shut up," he says, eyes briefly flicking to Kitty. "And you had your new friendship with Blaine, which is fine, I can't blame you for that, but no one else wanted to hang out with me, no one wanted to hear what I had to say, no matter what, and in the end, it just became easier and less painful to just not say anything."

"Dude," Sam starts, but he stops when Joe shakes his head.

"You've been rude to me for weeks, as well. I can blame you for that," he says.

"When was I rude to you?" Sam is sounding more upset and confused by the minute.

"The Men of McKinley calendar? Remember when you told me I was hairy and ugly?" Joe asks. Lauren strokes his back. It calms his nerves a little, and dulls the desire to just cry.

"I didn't do that!" Sam exclaims.

"Yes, you did," Jake says. Sam spins around to look at him disbelievingly. Joe sends Jake a grateful look, because having backup aside Lauren is great. "When you were giving us tips on manscaping before the calendar shoot, you said girls didn't like men with hairy back, and then you said, "No offense Joe". That's calling him hairy. And when we were doing the shoot, you said that not everyone could be as hot as you, and you said that almost specifically to Joe."

"Yeah, you did do that," Ryder says.

Sam turns back to Joe with pleading, apologetic eyes. He looks like he feels guilty.

A small part of Joe thinks he deserves it. He tries to push that part away.

"Joe, I am so, so sorry," Sam says. "I really am, and I will do everything I can to make it up to you."

"We all will," Blaine says. "We've been pretty hard on you for no reason, and we all want to make up for that."

Kitty doesn't quite look like she agrees with that.

"I'll do my very best to make sure that it never happens again," Finn says. "I promise."

Joe bites his lip. Lauren gives him a small push and a reassuring smile, and then Joe sits down with the rest of the club.

* * *

Finn makes changes in the club dynamics immediately.

He forbids Blaine and Tina from singing anything but background vocals until further notice, because it's time to let the usual background vocals take center stage. Instead, he gives Sugar a solo and tells Blaine and Tina to help her prepare it.

Tina kicks up a fuss immediately, but Finn just points to the door and says that if she's not willing to let others shine, then she can leave.

She shuts up faster than ever.

Finn then gives Joe a solo, and tells Kitty to do a duet with Ryder. Everyone else is told to think about what they can do to strengthen the teamwork and trust in the club, so that no one ever feels left out like that again.

It's not that Joe isn't happy that it's all going to be better.

It's just sad that Joe had to sink as low as he did before it changed.


End file.
